Tuesday, April 1, 2014

"MOD-er-ATE With You"

"MOD-er-ATE With You"

            “...to SEE... if I could MOD-er-ATE with you.”
            “So fire away instead of this shuffl’en round the KITCHEN.”
            “Well there ain’t NO MOD-er-ATE with you.”
            “Well then DON’T moderate and give me twenty bucks for letting your DIRTY boots in her kitchen.”
            “NOW... What’s that I smell she’s cook’en”.
            “Keep away from that oven and my dinner.  MODERATE or get your dirty boots OUT.”
            “Smells pretty good what she cook’en?”
            “MODERATE chow hound.”
            “Well... that PEWTERER I got in the TRUCK:  I want to MOD-er-ATE with you.
            “You mean me FIX IT.”
            “You screwed yourself from what I see.”
            “I didn’t MOD-er-ATE the BEST there I CAN say.”
            “So now your leaky boat is shove’en for my shore.”
            “I ain’t SINK’EN.
            “You’s TOOK water and TAKEN MORE.’
            “Well... if I could JUST SEE to MOD-er-ATE with you.”
            “So you been up to Ernie’s with it (the lot of pewter.  ‘Ernie’s’ is a ‘weekly’ auction house twelve miles up the road).  And he STUMPED you.”
            “Well... she’s ROAST’EN somethin.  SMELLS pretty good.”
            “GOOD on a RAW (weather) day.”
            “GOOD day RAW for something ROASTED”.
            “Get away from there.  Don’t go messin with the oven”.
            “She don’t have the LIGHT ON.  How am I gonna guess what she ROAST’EN?
            “Your nose ain’t TRAINED to ROAST’EN?
            “I be think’in I sniff’en BETTER with my STOMACH.”
            “Your think’in your sniff’en so you go moderating OUT of the kitchen and AWAY in your TRUCK.”
            “I don’t recall CARVING a ROAST in quite a little SPELL.”
            “YOU... ain’t CARVING...  BEEN carving... OR SEEN carving ANY SPELL of a ROAST any where you’s been... as you say... MOD-er-ATE-ing.  HOW MUCH is your PEWTERER NOW Seacus.
            “Now just be MOD-er-ATE-ing with me now.”
            “Well then A DOLLAR.”
            “NOW THAT AIN’T MOD-er-ATE.”
            “Because your saying you want?”
            “MOD-er-ATE-ing that would be THIRTY PIECES... and that’id BE... NUMBERS.... SO... say... we... MOD-er-ATE on FOUR for thirty with them HOLLOW WARES BETTER at TEN EACH and soooo... mod-er-ate THAT in TOO...so... we say see... let’s see... my calculation BE ONE HUNDRED FIFTY barrel HEAD to you.”
            “You’s ah friggen PLUMB bob of a mathematical genius.”
            “Well that figures RIGHT with ME fetching it for you and all.”
            “FETCHING IT!  You PULL STUMP for Ernie’s AND HE CLOSED HIS DOOR.  Now your down here SOBBING.
            “MOD-er-ATE with you I SAYS on the WAY UP THERE so I SAVED  this ALL the pewterer FOR YOU saying at to how MOD-er-ATE being it wholly as a LOT.”
            “I’ll pick one piece out of the lot for you come bug’en me and you MOD-er-ATE the rest of it OUT OF HERE.”
            “Which one... be you choose’en that?”
            “NOW YOU go WITH IT ALL.  I ain’t about SHOW HAND for YOU.”
             “That one with the LID be it I know.  I MOD-er-ATED that MYSELF.”
            “Moderate twenty-nine pieces for fifty-five barrel head and you KEEP THAT one too.”
            “Fifty-five not a MOD-er-ATE.   That’s THIEF I know you.  Bring back that light in her oven so my stomach can SEE in there what she roasting?”
            “That’s all from Burger King just like in your truck cab.”
            “BEEN OUT in my TRUCK HAVE YOU seeing that PEWTERER.”
            “Ain’t been in your damn truck SINCE SEVEN YEARS and it STILL BE THE SAME burger bags IN THERE from ALL WINTER just NOW.”
            “Well that pewterer box right THERE TOO.  You seen it ONCE already so go back and SEE it AGAIN to you to MOD-er-ATE.  BEST be THAT much old pewterer for you to MAKE THAT MUCH living off of ME EASY.  Now MOD-er-ATE me.  What she roast’en there?”
            “Where’s your moderate NOW?”
            “Be roast’en listening to YOU MOD-er-ATE ME DOWN say I say ONE HUNDRED at thirty them EASY SELL for YOU I know you MOD-er-ATE at the SHOW next week.”
            “Your neck out?  Moderating that way?”
            “THEM they say be it all their MOTHER’S now going to GO but Ernie says it be to SHORT for a full (auction) sale so PUT UP THEMSELVES  he told ‘em.  I come in behind him and they have the lawyer list and read that at me on everything but I say let’s MOD-er-ATE on that.  So first they say no.  Then I come back for their wood pile (Seacus purchased ‘the firewood’ pile) and they say they MOD-er-ATE by themselves so we MOD-er-ATE again.  That METAL DISHES ain’t old I tell no one USE THEM anymore they know that they say being sneaky suppose I don’t listen so then they say OK TAKE AWAY and I have to barrel head.  More for me NOW but it all’s got to be barrel head after we mod-er-ate.   Signed by ME (Seacus has to sign some sort of paper work about the sale).  Bette be you than Ernie’s I say to YOU so you MOD-er-ATE.
            “Eighty-five I moderate you”.
            “NOW basket full you getting and I just the HANDLE?  That not the MOD-er-ATE I be bringing back MORE with them paid on the barrel head and you sit kitchen smelling that roast.”
            “Then that be your moderate?”
            “Be quick now.  I go back and MOD-er-ATE.”
            “Be you sure?”
            “MOD-er-ATE with YOU too often to be SURE.”
            “Put you in the OVEN AGAIN you SAY?’
            “We always MOD-er-ATE for sure I say.  What that roast done yet?”
            “Here be the hundred Seacus.”
            “That’s barrel head”.
            “Go get the box (of pewter).”
            When Seacus comes back inside the kitchen carrying the box of pewter he says “WHAT THAT you CARVING THAT?”
            “Leg of lamb, Seacus.  I just cut the butt end off for you to take.  Some of the carrots and potatoes too.  Take that bowl out of here before she comes kitchen.”

            The mysteries of the accumulation of pewter in old New England homes... by old New England families... is a pretty and primitive legacy with many wandering tales of acquisition, ‘collecting’, domestic display and the... ‘casting back’ (dispersal of the accumulation).
            As this tale has shown.
            Befuddlement of the ‘pewter’ ‘collection’ is vanquished with the re-notice of the word ‘accumulation’.  That correctly identifies the vast majority of ‘old pewter’ ‘collections’ in ‘old New England homes’.  They are... and be but... accumulations.  Never but rarest chance ‘in home’ finds a true ‘collection’.
            Free from that antiquarian bondage... one may ‘accumulation’ too.  BUT... selective care of one’s choices... of choices... may be ‘art eyed’ creating a ‘one’s accumulation’ to be, in fact, ‘rather good’.  And what could it be that is a helping hand?
            The modest ‘accumulations’ are.  I see them... survey them... buy them... and... send them on their ways (note plural).  I ‘see them’ the most.  I survey some of those.  I... as a preference recorded in this tale... prefer to ‘buy’ an accumulation ‘around the back side of the bush’.

            Why so?  I buy good pewter better when ...no one has the inklings that (1) there be ‘good old pewter’ being sold and (2) no one ‘thinks’ (feels?) that anyone ‘who knows’ ‘old pewter’ is ‘around’ and could be ‘suggesting that’ (there be good old pewter being sold).  Best let my ‘betters’ ‘go figure’ their ‘old pewter’ without my antiquarian eye around. 
            The round-robin abundance of little clutches of ‘pewter’ accumulation bring perpetual inundation ‘into’ the market.  Lull in interest is rampant.  Care is forlorn.  ‘Pretty please’ is ...done by self centered ‘think’ and ‘feel’... merged with “I like”.  Not a very competitive group for I especially if I’m hiding behind a bush and the ‘they’ are the ones ‘deciding’ the ... ‘casting back’... of “Mom’s” “pewter”.  That’s how Seacus ‘barrel headed’ this accumulation.  The recording is typical.
            The ‘way’ this accumulation was first created by the ‘collector’ here is ... textbook typical too.  Most of the plates (twenty of them) are ‘new’.  New means purchased “new” (but possibly bought used) probably in the 1970’s as a ‘cupboard (“hutch”) set’ made as exact reproductions of ...plates... made from... 1800 to 1840... on the coast of New England.  Then there was added (gifted ?) a creamer and sugar from the “Henry Ford”... museum ...gift shop.  Possibly a ‘matching set’ coffee pot too that... ‘a family member kept’?   ALL the more reason to sell to Seacus who would ‘never know we kept that’.  Then some more single additions from here or there.  What is here or there?  That question’s answer IS the ‘helping hand’.
            Following the source of the accumulation (the ‘collector’)... and the trail of its accumulation... one is not surprised to notice the... ‘collector’... chancing... into an “antiques shop” ...here and there... along the accumulation trail...;  Chancing at a somewhere date of ...‘long ago’ (1970’s ; the accumulation’s ‘active period’).  Perhaps... while at ‘the Cape’ in, say, “EAST SANDWICH” of a September afternoon?  “Just looked in” and before they ‘knew it’ and ‘were back on the street’, that ...collector... had actually purchased (for twenty to thirty dollars) two old (antique) English “pewter” plates; ‘a pair’.  And even THEY didn’t know a “see the difference’.  That is partially because ...by the make-date (1790-1800) of these plates the English trade guilds were soooo refined that their productions were... truly ‘that good’ that they... ‘look new’ to this day.  Also add that “people stopped eating off of pewter’ then... too... so the plates ‘were hardly used’ ever... too.  “NEAT!” with the London maker’s marks on their backs.  AND add the protective ‘in the accumulation’s’ ‘display’ ‘in the hutch’ ‘forever’.  AND add...that the ...collector... ‘always liked the other (new) plates better “anyway” (shiny-er?).

            Oh too bad about those old English pewter plates... being ‘cast away’!  I DO like the plate pair and noticed them right away but... for me... it was the... probably acquired in the exact same “visited an antique shop” way...  old English pewter ‘tankard’; the old... maker marked on the INSIDE of the bottom... (“Didn’t KNOW they DID THAT IN THERE!”) classic FULL QUART tankard with the “I like that kind of (18th century ‘Chippendale’ type) handle”  (Everyone likes ‘that kind’ of handle).  And... the old tavern’s name  engraved on the front.  HOW’D they miss seeing that?  They probably... never ...picked the tankard up... and looked.  And the appraiser (‘list maker’)... ‘skimmed’ the pewter by ...too (see ‘lull in interest is rampant’ above).
            So I got that
            For nothing
            And knew all along I was doing that... and... did do that.
            There is a lot... a very large amount... of good, early, old pewter ‘scattered’ in ‘accumulations’ and... ‘on the loose’ in New England these days.  I prefer English.  So does my art eye.  So does the market.  But I gather constantly... French, Dutch, German... Austrian, Swiss...:  Yes there is Eastern Europe, Russian, Scandinavian, Italian... “pewterers” too.
            Reminding that one seeks and chooses the ‘better’ ‘old’ amongst “the new” and global ‘cast back’ ‘et al’, once one opens the door of knowingly accumulating ‘good’ old pewter... one will be surprised ‘what turns up’.  How does one ‘know’ ‘better old’?  By handling ‘better old’ with one’s hands while scrutinizing it with one’s eyes.  When one has an old English pewter tankard before one... bearing a price sticker as a declaration of its ‘high value’... teach yourself using your hands and eyes:
            By picking it up and
            Looking at it carefully
            Feeling the old metal
            With one’s hands.

No comments:

Post a Comment