Thursday, March 31, 2016

(Yankee) Hoarding - Part Four - "Kept"

(Yankee) Hoarding

Part Four


            There are problems with hoarding... that have nothing to do with hoarding.
            Those are the biggest problems with hoarding; the ‘have nothing to do with hoarding’
            Yes... you know them.  You’ve even seen them on television

            A spectacle.  Blubbering, screeching refusal to give up a life’s “collection” of canary cages, each “from the trash” (found on the roadside trash), never cleaned but stored as methodically-meticulously “KEPT”.  “KEPT” is a noun; a qualifier of hoard.  But... each canary cage becomes a shudder down the spine of scripted hoard horror.  “WHY THAT COULD BE YOU DEAR... and all that STUFF you...”
            Stuff you
            Hold dear.  You hold on to the edges of yourself on earth with your “dear” hold on hoard.
            “Dear”.  “I have known you have this problem for a long time.  You hoard

            First there is ‘collection’ and ‘collecting’.  Most never do that well.  ‘Collecting’ breaks for ‘accumulation’ right along.  It is a combination of finance, object supply, object quality and
            Human expression of suppressed human energy...; the ‘grab and go’ mantra, that skids the collect to accumulate to
            The discovery by self that one is out past the boarders of hoard; the landscape changed and one did not notice?
            Or care?
            The meaning of hoard is ...hoard is... meaningful.  My “kept” is a noun.

            Most who are out there on the borders do not know it.  The shoe ‘collections’ (Part Two) are rampant.  And real.
            Never edited.  Never purged.  “Kept”.  That simple.  “There’s some more (hoard) over there.”  The seed packets from the last fifteen years of ‘my gardens’.  “LOOKED THROUGH THEM” you speak out as “DOING”.  They now resemble five or six cubic feet of “clutter” in a “the garden shed”.  “Why do they put so many seeds in so many packets I do not understand that”.
            “TO SELL THEM TO YOU
            YOU IDIOT.”
            And that works out very well for them.
            “Some of the seeds are probably still good”.
            Probably they are.
            The qualifier again is ‘KEPT’; a noun.
            What happens next?
            SIXTEEN YEARS of ‘kept’ seed packets.
            Meanwhile the old MAN over there has promised to “CLEAN OFF” the “TOP OF MY TOOL BENCH” for sixteen years
            “Idiot”.  That is the way the tool bench IS.  It is hoard.  He made it; a ‘his hoard’.  It will die there when he dies.  I will clean it off.  Half completed anything and everything.  His ‘kept’ is my ‘clean off’.
            What do I care that your not around to
            Poke it.
            Don’t you just LOVE to poke a dead man’s hoard.  You walked by the dead man’s tool bench for forty years and ONLY TODAY when MY HAND reaches out do you say “I AM SURE THAT...”.
            No.  You cannot have it any more; his tool bench hoard.  Go back home and
            Astride your own penny anti basement tool bench.  FINALLY GONNA FIX THAT LIGHT ‘above it’ you say?  “FINALLY” you say?  You are a problem of hoard. 
            YOU SUCK AT IT.

            False starts and stalls.  Most collecting turns to accumulation and this... rots... into hoard.  Yes:  Twenty years.  No... Forty... SEVEN years... and that’s the “I GOT TO SHOW FOR IT”.  Shoes.  Seeds.  Tool bench.  Scrap wood saved.  Books.
            “SOME OF THEM... are very good (“RARE”) books.  I AM SURE”.
            “Should you find one of them in your HOARD... sir... tear the title page out and
            SAVE IT FOR ME”.
            “Oh no... you must be joking.”
            No... just observing the JOKE IS ON YOU.  Making your wife carry your old books down flights of stairs.  She survives you and you GIFT HER your HOARD you told me was your “RARE”  “BOOK” “COLLECTION”.  Her old ankles are going to give out SIX STEPS UP FROM the bottom of the LAST FLIGHT of STAIRS down and out of...
            “No, no, no:  I understand concisely that it was, as you say... your
            HALF of the ‘silverware’ in the ‘silverware drawer’ WAS NEVER USED and was
            HOARDED by you in that drawer and
            NONE OF IT WAS... even... SILVER (“Sterling 9.25 pure silver”).  You hoarded silverware and never had any silver... too?
;            You hoarded THAT?
            As I said... hoarding... YOU SUCK AT IT.
            You are a problem of hoard.
            And you are very clear that you.... YOU
            “DO NOT HOARD”.

            Of course your right:  The old stone walls made of your family’s preference for hoarding old granite field stone back before the Revolutionary War... was, you are clear... someone else’s doing and ‘I didn’t know that was hoarding until you (I) pointed it out”.
            This is exhausting.
            This hoard; hoarder hoarding...:  Is it; the gum stuck under the school desk seat...
            Hoard too?  Your miserable.
            You do not hoard... and you are quick to point out a hoard and its hoarder... when you ‘see one’.  You are the problem of hoard.  You do not hoard.  And you know what hoard is.
            Yet you hoard... and do not know what hoard is.
            Very primitive, your behavior with ‘stuff’.  Your ‘stuff management’ is poor.  At best.  Your knowing eye?
            “What’s that?”

            One old woman’s silver drawer filled with silver she found and hoarded.  It is her ‘kept’.  Her drawer is full of old silver.  The drawer is closed.  You cannot see it.  You don’t look in your own silverware drawer very much so... why should you look in hers?  “Her DRESS is a little OLD” you say.  SHE HAS... as ‘kept’... EVERY English nineteenth century transferware platter she has ever been able to purloin... some perfect... some smashed to smithereens.  “Oh” you say and admit that you’d “SEEN THEM” hanging on her “WALLS”.  Well... let me say that all you saw was SOME of them; SOME of her old... platter hoard.
            Rockingham.  English Rockingham.  She did that too; ‘Kept’.   Shelves of it.  Soap dishes, toddy pitchers.  Tobacco jars.  Chamber pots (“piss pots”).  Her ‘kept’ (hoard) of that was a rather ‘dirty CLUTTER’ on the shelves of her old cupboards.  Some of them; her ‘kept’ cupboards... had ‘blind doors’ she kept closed to keep her ‘kept’ from prying eyes.  Yes:  She ‘found you out a long time ago.  You are her enemy.  Of hoard.

            When I would talk to her... that was before she DIED, of course... we would say... in confidence... how ‘little’ you know.  That is what we would say.  And how little you have (‘hoard’) (‘kept’).  And how BAD that little you ‘kept’ IS.  And how you don’t know.  And don’t know... very much about hoard.  Accumulation.  Collecting.  “And stuff”.  How little you know and
            HOW MUCH YOU SAY
            About this ‘how little you know’.
            She never got along quite as far as I have in this ‘of hoard’.  I have an amplified obsession with eighteenth century English earthenware ceramics.  I mean... I am just NUTS about the stuff.  It’s very rare and all that of course but, too... it takes a person a while to get there.  You have to hoard so much.  “Kept” so much.  And then throw it out.  Too.  I already told you:  Hoard is about throwing out too.  I know it is hard... for you...
            To throw hoard out (“Yankee Hoard good sense” Part Two)
            When you have no hoard... at all.

Monday, March 28, 2016

(Yankee) Hoarding - Part Three - "Animals"

(Yankee) Hoarding

Part Three


            Suggesting and now stating that my expertise of ‘hoard’ is because I seek it, find it and... roll in it.  Like a dog doing what you don’t want it to; that kind of roll in it.  ‘Good ones’ of hoard are... how about...
            Zoomed in on
            Right away.
            No tally stick.  No moderation.  No pussy foot.  No “you should be... too”.
            By the time we get to ‘good one’ of hoard... you have taken yourself off and I have made sure that you did.  I just want to be alone with it (hoard; a ‘good one’)
            “Privacy Please”.  Orange plastic cones.  Yellow plastic barrier tape.  Closed doors.  Locked truck cabs.
            Sympathy... is fain.  Why not?  That’s what they want to hear.  And want to hear
            “The problem can be remedied?”  These days there is a ‘clean out’ industry whereby the ‘victim’ of hoard negligence hires (pays a substantial cash cost) to ‘have it’ “TAKEN CARE OF”.
            I don’t do that.
            There are plenty that do.  They are not that good.  At hoard.  “Paid to Clean Out” they do.  The ‘hoard’ goes with that.  No judgment is done.
            No; for the most part these are cracker barrel top cash clean-outs of
            ‘Good ones’ (a ‘good’ ‘hoard’).
            “No one even knows what a ‘good one’ (hoard) is”.
            As I stated:  Yankees are good at hoard and... if they are good at their hoards...
            You will never know.
            And... I will never say.

            This kicks back to the ‘behind scene’ whereby... “IF”... the “YOU” (I) am “INTERESTED” then there “MUST BE” ... “SOMETHING”... “IN THERE”.
            “No... just happened to be going by”
            “No... friends of my wife’s family”.
            “No... GOD in CREATION couldn’t TEMP me.”
            But their (the hoard-E) treasure trove HOARD
            “TEMP ME”.
            So now I have to get rid of YOU.

            I do.  I have your truck towed?  Yep.
            Who calls the tow truck?
            THEY DO.
            “Who’s THEY?”
            The victims... of hoard.  The victims have the clean-out service (and their large ‘charge’ [cost]) towed off for
            I do not request to be paid... to ‘clean out’
            A ‘good one’.

            A ‘good one’
            “Is a WHAT?” you, a compulsive trash bag, ask.
            I already told you (Part Two):

            “Yes.  That is a ‘very key’ (skeleton key) to Yankee hoard.
            The Yankee hoards his God
            In his soul”. (Part Two)

            As soon as I sense that a hoard has a soul; that the hoard is ‘of humanity’... with the ‘more generations bailed in there the better’... too... I am
            I am.
            You are towed.  You don’t know that it was I who ‘did that’.  Nor do you
            “See Soul”.
            It is very rare that a five-letter-using... ‘clean’...sees soul.  Or its hoard.
            The ideal combination is... a soul touched Yankee hoard of many generations all ‘in place’ in an old New England home undisturbed outside ‘of family’ with the last of that (family) guarding the “MESS” from peek-a-boo.  They (‘of family’) fear peek-a-boo ‘of family’ more than “clean out” but, too, fear the “cost” of that clean out too so... peek-a-boo... I come along with the “we will pay you (stated definite amount of money) for all of this and will have it (the family homestead)
            Cleaned out
            By next Tuesday
            At four o’clock”.

            What’s this actually about?  Layers.  If it is ‘that old’ ‘in there’ for ‘that long’... it is in
            I look for (multi-generational) layers
            Of Yankee hoard.
            I know what I am looking for.  I know what it looks like.  A casual “walk through” is ‘suffice’.  Remember; the political button was denoted in the dresser top dish hoard and ...that was all... (Part One).  Nothing but lightest ‘walk though’.  Once that deal is done... though...
            EVERYTHING IS CLEAN OUT.  All hoard of ...all hoard... is


            Think of hoarders being hoarders for generation after generation with each a special person hoarder with special hoarding visions that are hoarded on top of older family hoarder’s hoards of hoarding... deep... dark... “core sample” hoard.  SO DEEP it is found to include layers dating “Colonial (New England)” “in there.
            “AFTER THE CIVIL WAR”
            “CAME BACK”
            “Married TWICE”.
            “THEN SHE DIED”
            “BURIED HER CATS BEHIND THE BARN.  In the FERNS over there
            THEY SAY”.
            “Seventeen cats”.

            “WOODEN LEG.”
            “They KEPT THAT you know.  OUT by the FIRE.  SHOWED IT TO
            MY MOTHER
            When she was a LITTLE GIRL  She said.
            Always said
            She told me
            DID YOU FIND THAT
            IN THERE?”
            I did.
            Is that hoard?
            No... just a part of hoard.  One piece
            To a puzzle?
            No.  To a

            What do you want me to do?  Be breezy and trite?  Just because you don’t notice hoard and don’t notice family hoard and don’t know what a ‘layer’ is in an ...old Yankee New England house hoard... am I suppose to accommodate you and your crass subjection often verbalized as “selling my mother’s house”.  No... you just don’t want to have to paint the trim molding on the backside of the house (“can’t see it from the street”) so whatever I clean out of the
            You ‘already went through anyway “I didn’t find anything I wanted”.  I know you’d like to hire an interior designer to help with the latter (‘didn’t finding anything’) but, well... that’s not gonna happen.  It would just be a bigger insult to the past seven generation of your family.  They (the seven generations of [hoard] family) would rather I “did it” and not let you and your ceiling paint card ‘loose in there’.  Did I just say that those hoard souls would rather have it all burn to the ground than have you get it?
            Yep.  So I had your truck towed BACK to where you ‘moved to’.  It is okay; we are all getting a better idea of hoard, hoard management and hoard soul... thanks to you.  That’s really where we are right now; stuff, stuff management and the boarder lands of hoard.  “Clutter”.  “I hate it”.  Look:  You can’t even clutter because your stuff is so crummy.  The old Yankees... nod from their graves.  Even the seventeen buried cats nod from THEIR graves.  “Tortie – Killed By Arrow” one’s stone reads.  Again:  Seventeen cat graves... that is one person’s HOARD of cat graves.  A hoard of cat graves is very rare.
            Full of soul (cat and human)
            And, today...
            “Lost on most people”
            Even when shown and
            Standing amongst them.

            What is it going to take to get you to understand that calling “Hoarder” (“witch”) is a declaration of how EMPTY you are?  That includes one legged sea captain’s ghosts...
            Clomping down the backstairs with his candle.  I know:  You “don’t stay in those kind of houses”.
            You have no “privilege of hoard”.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

(Yankee) Hoarding - Part Two - "Good Ones"

(Yankee) Hoarding

Part Two

"Good Ones"

            The alteration
            Of the altercation
            Has been brought forth.

            Behavior suggesting stigmatized hoarding or hoarder is chased to the far edges of disease for if a dresser top dish (Part One) may hold a fifty year ...hoard... of keepsake-I-found... and that is not only a trinket bowl of someone’s humanity but be too, a dish of clutter, beautiful-of-self... WE
            May move within this; the hoard, to discern the humanities AND
            Our own humanity
            Stigma falls away from hoard, excepting, of course, the sensationalized fringe.  Very few hoarders actually are buried-to-death in their filth beneath the collapse of ceiling high filled rooms full of “old magazines”.  No.  Hoarding is better then that... especially in the hands of a Yankee.

            Now... you’ve been quick to claim you have no dresser top dish of hoard so, therefore, you are ‘be hoard free’?  No, no, no...; that was just a demonstration of sighting a hoard of a hoarder.  For the record, most all ‘of hoard’ (“O-H”) have (many) more than one hoard.  The dresser dish is a petty specimen shown for titillation.  A step ‘around the place’ (a hoard site) will show more hoard right away.  You are ‘too’ with this:  (Yankee) hoard has big wrap around reaching tentacles.  Struggling to get free is the most common expression of acknowledgement that there is a hoard and that hoard... is.
            Example?  IN old New England the most common hoard-of-that-hoard I am invited to ...roll in... professionally (antiques and rare books) is, “OF COURSE STUPID” ... “old books”.  Prefixed by “MY” .... “OLD BOOKS”.  “I HAVE SO MANY BOOKS”.  You have heard (uttered?) that... ?  It is pretty much... number one ‘hoard’ discerned by the... hoard he/her.  Yes... simply .... “BOOKS”.  No further elaboration NEEDED. 
            Similar and fair... is the male Yankee ... ‘has saved every piece of “WOOD” he ever had' a... hoarder’s chance to save (hoard).  It (this pieces of wood hoard) IS ALWAYS THERE... and protected (“I might need it”).  I never get into it but do state that each man-of-his-wood-hoard... CAN... tell you EXACTLY ‘where that (each iota) came from’.  If that power-of-hoard doesn’t scare the shit out of you... you too must one (Person-of-Hoard [“POH”).
            Girls?  Just one sucker punch:  Shoe ‘collections’.  No... they ARE hoard ...and you do know this... EVEN IF YOU’VE trimmed back to (“YEAH RIGHT”) “FIVE PAIRS” “I WEAR”.

            This isn’t hard is it.  It makes the poke of the dresser keepsake dish of trouser pocket trinkets look like an archeological DIG.  And again...this is “YANKEE” we are quantizing (quantum physics) (hoard is quantum physics?)  (NOW your getting on this). (Hoard is quantum systems and quantum mechanics producing quantum entanglement)  (‘in the universe’) (like pairs of shoes in a dark, cool... closet.)...:  So this is “YANKEE”.  TOO.

            Yankee Hoard is books and wood.  Shoes is Yankee?  Is your shoe hoard “Yankee”?
            Depends on the SHOES, idiot.  Are the SHOES Yankee?  Okay...?  This is not that hard once the barriers are exposed.  The hard part is changing your barriers-of-self.  The short road to salvation is ... “I am a hoard.  I have hoard.”  This becomes Yankee when “I am good at hoard” is added.  Yankee hoard; hoards and hoarders... ARE GOOD
            AT IT.
            Very few... very, very, very few Yankee hoards and their hoarder management teams are “buried” under a collapsed mega tons of unopened bags of rotting kitty cat box litter and ‘dried food’.  No... The Yankee hoard is WAY more advanced than that.  The Yankee hoard is so good that most of the time ‘no one notices’... and if ‘they do’... ‘they like it’ (the Yankee hoard)
            What’s a Yankee hoard?  I have been told that even the stones piled up in a stone wall are a ‘Yankee hoard’.  And those (stone wall hoard) are... “BEAUTIFUL”.  Your hoard of half used up spray top plastic bottle cleaners and wipes under the ‘kitchen sink’ is NOT beautiful and is NOT Yankee.  It is a suburban housewife’s hoard.  It is not ‘so Maine’.
            Oh you just thought all of this is clutter?  It (stone wall and plastic spray bottles) is not.  It is (are) hoard.  It is how ‘good a job’ you are at this... YANKEE too...  Yes:
            “How good are you at this (hoard, hoarding, hoarder).  “Church on Sundays” you say?  Okay.  Let us peek in the potting shed.  A hoard of old flower pots you ‘saved’.  OH SO... Yankee.  Except, of course, if they be PLASTIC flower pots.  THEN... ‘not Yankee’.  At all.  In fact ‘gross’.  No one (Yankee) is potted plant in plastic.  That is a simple Yankee rule of hoard; clay pots... plastic pots.  It’s like the old dirty sneakers (Crocs); they go.  Old dirty sneakers and Crocs are not Yankee.  Do not hoard them.

            Yankees hoard tools.
            Worthless, rusted metal...
            And what that rusted metal once was.
            Yes.  That is a “very key” (skeleton key) to Yankee hoard.
            The Yankee hoards his God
            In his soul
            Right in front of you
            Very often
            He flaunts this

            An example of that?  The dresser top dish... with its fifty years of trouser pocket clutter assembled
            By that man now dead.
            Right in front of you he did that hoard; flaunted it... for fifty years.  Now you finally notice it.  He flaunted his god in a dish for everyone to see.  He was so good at his hoards he had to be dead (“with his God”) before you found them out.
            Does this explain why this same hoarder hoarded a hoard of plastic bread bags (the plastic bread bags loaves of bread ‘come in’ ‘from the store’)?  No.  That hoard, when opened, is more practical than the dresser dish.  “Oh now what!” you say.
            Well the man saved the bread bags to use as trash bags; little old bread bags of his trash that he filled and threw out... being ...then... WHAT?  Well...being a Yankee hoarder he... never purchased a ‘trash bag’ AND... did not have much to throw out too (generated very little ‘trash’) so... to fill a bread bag took ‘nearly all week’ and... slowly, over time, his hoard of bags exceeded the usage or them and ... he never threw a plastic bread bag out either so... there came to be a
            Hoard of plastic-bread-bags-to-be-used-as-trash-bags... that... I found... “after he died”.
            I knew what it was.  Others did not.  They said “WHY DID HE (the crazy old goat) SAVE THE PLASTIC BREAD BAGS?  WHAT A HOARDER HE WAS”.  The guy had a better understanding of waste management in old New England and created a system to manage his old New England waste that WORKED and COST HIM NOTHING... but pitching a bread bag full of trash in a TRASH CAN (“throwing out”)... and you say “HOARDER” as if he’s a 17th century Warlock.  AND:  “Throwing out” IS a very big part of (Yankee) Hoarding.  It is ... the sense... of ‘throwing out’.  It ...makes good sense... to throw out... to
            Yankee hoarders.

            Okay.  You see how this is getting... a little scattered?  ‘Hoard’ is more complex so... more scattered...  And even more so when the “Yankee” is prefixed.  ‘Hoard’ takes right off and leaves the simple old ‘filthy’ ‘magazine full’ ...hoard... crushes hoarder... as a stereotype slur.  ‘Hoard’ is so scattered so fast “IN” old New England that most just throw hands up, give up and say things like “I HATE CLUTTER”.  Particular gall follows that command when it comes from a ‘NOT I” hoard of hoards... hoarder.  Yes... the ‘denial’ hoarder..
            Why may I say this?  Because I am the one who knowingly seeks and evaluates ALL hoard... all the time.  It is my job; part of it:  To find and evaluate HOARD.  I am looking for .... GOOD.... JOBS (“good ones”); the “they were (VERY) good at it".  That is why I am so on top of this (Hoard).  It (a hoard) is a work site
            Of Yankees
            In old New England.
            “Good ones” stand right out.  Even in a dish on top of an old dresser.