The Eggnog

The Eggnog

            “I was worried about getting either run through or

            Run over.  It’s always that way for me at Christmas holidays.

            Days they are.  Not just one day and sidestep that.  No.  Days of it.

            Punctual.

            Sensible.

            Days of it.

            Then it’s over.

            And I suppose I can get back to it.  All the antiques, of course, are still right there.  They have the Patience of Job you know.  Nothing changes them during the holidays.  Their timeline is complete.  And they sit in the big shadow.  No one notices.  After a while one of them comes along and picks one off; an antique.  And then it starts again; the antiques business.  A collector comes by and won’t shut up.  Doesn’t buy anything.  Just won’t shut up.  Another one brings by some cookies his wife made.  Christmas cookies.  Late.  Already stale.  I’m suppose to put a tree up with lights on it for that?  Some old fashion eggnog.  Real eggnog?  ‘MADE eggnog’?  Wouldn’t they like me to say that.  Of course they’d rather just drink (the whiskey) from the bottle.  No one wants raw egg in their whiskey these days.

            I’m punctual.  During the holidays.  Not early.  Not late.  Sort of around.  But maybe not.  If your looking for me I may not

            Look back.

            Who cares?  Your not doing anything worthy any way.  NOT LOOKING at the spine ends and noticing the head of the spines are NOT frayed.  Torn off.  From finger pulling... imbeciles.

            That is it you know:  Go find them:  Perfect firsts (first editions) with the spine heads NOT frayed.  Only collectors know what I’m talking about:  ‘Spine heads’.  ‘Frayed’.  From your fingers.  You’d think you’d LEARN something over the DECADES you’ve ‘miscellany’ pulled the ‘old books’ you call them OFF the shelves by their

            Spine heads.  That’s WHY they are always frayed.  Because of you.  And the whiskey in your eggnog that you... didn’t MAKE.

            See?

            It is all linked BACK to spine ends.  And your fingers that you have NO SENSE

            Of control

            Of.

            I went to the Bronte exhibit at the Morgan (library NYC).  JUST went there.  Really a lot of people there too.  Didn’t expect that.  Women viewing.  Some men too but a lot of women.  Securitizing it; the exhibit.  Don’t want to touch that too much.  It was all fine and well; the exhibit.  Looked like they’d gone up in Charlotte’s attic and gathered up the old books and papers scattered on the floor.  Put them in glass cases and

            Explained them.  Nice enough at that.  You know.  But the spine ends.  No one was noticing those.  Absolutely perfect copies.  No rebacking.  No spines laid down.  NO CHIPS at the spine head.  NO FINGERS PULLING

            Ever.

            What a relief.

            And NOT an accident.  Morgan knew all about this.  And collector ‘best’ copies.  That’s how you know its all NOT from an attic FLOOR.  It’s all collector grade.  REAL collector grade... where it is just THERE... PERFECT and... nothing is said about THAT.              Only an imbecile pulls those books off the shelf by their spine head.  Only IDIOTS don’t know that; notice THAT... too.

            Oh I’m sorry about all that.  Lost you.  Right?  You don’t need to worry about all that.  It’s still the holidays.  Have some of my eggnog.  I made it myself.  REAL bourbon.  The bottles in that chair.  Under the throw.  It’s Christmas

            You know.

            When you get back from your holidays... don’t just poke along this year.  I mean really.  Do something about; your poking.  I know:  Poking.  Your good at it.  Really try though.  I mean think of it;  having something that actually IS something... this year.  Not just a fudge that you show off to me.  A ‘something I bought’ that you want your forehead patted and me to say ‘good dog’.  You did that last year.  Let’s not do it again this year.  Come back this year WITH something.  An actual something.  I realize that’s asking a lot.  But maybe you’ll lift the tedium of

            Your birth

            That’s not very nice to say is it.  It must be the eggnog.  Too many SIPS of THAT.

            Right?

            What if I showed you something good this year and you actually bought it.  Not necessarily a rare book but... maybe... a good ‘real antique’.  One where people who know say ‘Oh look at THAT’... to themselves.  And are surprised that you did that.  So surprised that they ‘don’t know’.  Could have been something THEY’D buy.  That kind of antiques.  A ‘stopper’.  Of course an old book would be even MORE.  No one... but a someone would...

            Ever know

            THAT; you’d bought a rare book

            Collector grade.

            Of course you’d have to know what one of those is.

            Right?

            And then come back on that like a grownup:  How to

            Solve that problem.

            That’s easy to do.  Actually.  Just BUY a real rare book from someone who knows and

            Handle that book

            Everyday

            Until it begins to seem to make some sort of sense to you.  And then do that again.           

            A few times over and over.  And see how it goes for you.  See if you ‘make friends’ with the old books

            In ‘collector grade’ condition.  Yes:  Spine ends.  You know all about them NOW.  Makes complete sense.  And they are rare too... on a true rare book.  Perfect spine ends on an old book does not mean that that book

            Is a rare book.

            It has to be a rare book; a desirable book... with perfect spine ends.  NOT just any old book.  With perfect spine ends.  Plenty of THOSE around; not rare books no one reads with... therefore... perfect spine ends.  Never pulled from a shelf.  And read.

            No:  Bring me something really truly rare with perfect... spine ends

            Or don’t bother.

            I didn’t bother to make eggnog for you either.

            Your wife’s Christmas cookies are stale.

            And your out poking around again.  Don’t know what it’s gonna be THIS YEAR.

            Do you.

            But ‘give it a good poke’ won’t you.

            OH come on right in and SIT DOWN and TELL how it’s STARTED FOR YOU.              Right off, you say, you found a poke and want me to LOOK at it do you?  Oh go get it.  IN THE CAR you say.  So shrewd of you; keeping it SAFE there.  Good.  Go get it.  Show me.

            Yes.  There we go:  The year begins.  It’s ‘after’ the holidays NOW.  So much easier; the regular crowd.  The regular GRIND.  OH look what

            Did you find!

            Oh that is a FIND.

            Quite a FIND.

            INDEED.”