Lane Cooper's Old Store

Lane Cooper’s Old Store

While Lane Cooper doddles in my yard expostulating upon his commercial power over the other local pickers based on his old school knowledge and the commercial actions he takes within that local picker commerce… the other local pickers… do not stop picking.

They do not think of stopping and they do not think of Lane.  They think of finding, procuring and selling “old things found in old houses”.  Or barns.  Or sheds.

Or old stores… long closed and padlocked shut… that once offered local commerce to those passing by a crossroad corner of small rural towns… in the “middle of nowhere”.

In fact Lane Cooper actively hunts for these sealed time capsules; locked, shuttered windows, overgrown by brush, paint pealed, leaky roof and soon to fall down.  He begins by traveling to remote and tiny crossroad towns.  Spying to his satisfaction a derelict to target, he roams the crossroad corner in an ever wider circle of door knocking inquiry of “THAT ONE THERE WHO OWNS THAT ONE THAT STORE I WANT TO TALK TO THEM.”

He is generally successful for the first contact usually sends him closer while the second contact directs even better so the third contact responds “Yes I do” to his “THAT ONE THAT ONE THERE THE OLD STORE WHO OWNS IT SEEMS FULL OF OLD JUNK THAT ONE WHO OWNS IT I WANT TO TALK TO THEM!” pattering verbal pantomime never ceasing even as he “THANK YOU” and turns to walk across the street to the house of “My brother does he lives over there yes he’s home just go over and see him”.

            I point out at this juncture that Lane, like Baxter, is very clean, very polite, combed, shaven, crisply dressed in traditional Maine men work clothes and… smiles as he talks.  “Actually can be charming” has been said of him confidentially by well regarded women with influence in local Maine communities.

He also speaks Maine junkman jargon fluently.  In fact, with his linguistic skills, he should be considered one of the innovators of that language.  For example his ritual purloining of old ceramics purchased as “that” “doggie” or “kitty cat” “dishes” would leave most readers chuckling to themselves later that evening as it would be acknowledged “to have worked”.

Once across the street and… relentlessly verbal battering the brother, the trio (for Lane has brought a “driver” and “fetch me man” as usual) is seen crossing the street and then disappearing to the rear of the old store.  Nothing may be seen for a short interval but suddenly the “fetch me man” appears carrying some objects that he puts in the back of… AND on the front seat of… the pickup truck the two pickers …strategically parked in the overgrown grass beside the store.  This man goes back inside… and comes back outside… carrying more “old junk”.  The truck fills up including an old chest of drawers… with those drawers taken out… “humped” across the grass by the “fetch me man” …alone.

When the truck is “almost full”… this procession of the “fetch me man” ceases.  Another shorter nothing seen interval passes.  Then the trio emerges from the rear of the store.  The trio stands before the loaded truck parked in the grass.  A short conversation takes place.  There is a final handshake.  The owner-brother walks back across the street of the deserted crossroads.  Lane and his man drive away.

In my yard nearly two hours later that included Lane and his man eating lunch somewhere … in the middle of nowhere… Lane’s banter is again relentless and abundantly punctuated with his commercial ringmaster chant of “GIVE ME SUMP-THUN”.  “WE” explore his load of treasure.  I purchase what I can get away from him.  Prices fly high, are counter offered low, bantered back up and barrel head cashed … to a satisfactory conclusion for everyone?  I feel everyone just gets exhausted and “I AM GIVING YOU THAT:  TOO LITTLE” gives in.

Today I purchase the Seven Up bottles first.  Then a book.  Then the license plates.  Then… bartering hard, the drum, a print, a chest of drawers and the “BROADWAY NEW YORK NEW YORK NEW YORK” perfume bottle.  Eventually the painting after promising “it is NOT 17^th CENTURY” and “don’t need to call them” (the largest international auction house you can think of).  Finally the beer bottle salt and pepper shakers off the dash board.

Lane is deceptively careful with his actual purchasing.  He only buys “so much”; “THIS MUCH”.  THIS ACTION… is a confidence action on his part.  He “got in”, “bought” and “is in now” so … “don’t push it”.  He’ll go back very soon; as soon as he “feels” he can.  He will mine the old store, using cash instead of a pick, until its vein runs out.  Always smiling.  Always relentless with banter.  He knows the big secret; “second visit” is always better then the first.  The brother will recognize Lane and remember “all the cash he got from the junk in there”.

“There’s plenty of it in there too.” Lane added.