Cowboy Down
A Conversation Between Two Professional Thrift Shoppers
Part Three
"Let It Come to Me"
“Let
us leave off of your own thrift shopper history for a moment and move into
exploring our tactical advantage.
Otherwise these readers will get bored by thinking this something they
can do... and be just like us.”
“I’ve
never followed the flow (process) in the thrift stores the way you do. I do like the way you’ve figured it all
out. I do, NOW, know you are
right. When I first heard your
observations they went by me. I,
now, also know those observation mean even more with the current number yahoo
dealers in thrift shops.”
“Right. So... first we’ll explain that I... or
we... you want to be included on these?”
“Sure.”
“Well...
first WE... don’t go in cowboy down grabbing good stuff and pushing people
around. In fact, we let the other
people do the pushing. This
because our antiques hunting is based on ‘let it come to me’ and NOT on making
a splashy show off of being a big time antiques dealer trouncing all before one. Well managed, most of the best antiques
are bought with very little notice.”
“Now
this how... brown cow. Ha,
ha. That; what you just said is
what gets you to the good antique just sitting there. Remind; we already know what the antique is WHEN we see it
so it just has to somehow get to the us THERE undiscovered; just be sitting
there with its sticky price tag waiting for US to discern it in ITS patient
waiting. So HOW... brown cow...
does it get there? YOU’VE got this
figured out!”
“FIRST
someone has to HAVE an old and real antique, preferably a rare one. First. Again: Some THEY has to have one... before they can act WITH IT to
get it to the thrift store. Once
they have it... then they have to CONTINUE to have it; a not throw it out or
give it to a grandchild[1]. It has to BE THERE in their stuff...
what ever THAT (their stuff) is.
Then... either they or someone else... ‘cleans’ their ‘stuff’ ‘out’
passing through, again, the what ever THAT is... flaming hoop. That’s flaming hoop number THREE. We’re already on a trail of
flaming-hoops-gone-through to ‘let it (an antique) come to me’ at the thrift
store. Numbers one and two are
‘have’ an antique and ‘keep’ an antique.
Then... when the stuff is cleaned out... WHERE does WHAT go and
HOW. Is it removed, packed up,
loaded and hauled away by a big truck with hired boys and men to the local Sal
(Salvation army). Or is it boxed
into the back of a hatchback and ‘donated to the church’ by a well meaning
relative or neighbor. OR ‘donated’
by the actual original owner. Or;
you get the point of flaming hoop number four? After being ‘cleaned out’ it ‘gets there’; to the ‘a’ thrift
store. Once there (once donated
and at the thrift store) it (the antique) COULD be identified and ‘spirited
away’(a... someone ‘in house’ ‘gets it’) so to speak. Flaming hoop five is what happens to the antique AT a thrift
store. Is it ‘sorted, studied,
priced and put out’ for sale... in that thrift store? Right there these can all be one faming hoop to pass through
or, more often these days, several flaming hoops especially around the
‘studied’ and ‘price’ quandaries.
WHO IS ‘working in the back’ at the thrift store and WHAT do they know
about ‘ANTIQUES’?”
“And
just what does that last mean anyway.
I’ll tell ‘em one”.
“You
tell’em one.”
“I
go into a thrift shop, in the door, in a church basement. Right inside the door is a (1760-1780)
Boston or Salem Chippendale dish top snake footed mahogany tilt top candle
stand in PERFECT condition. It is
price marked boldly $125.00. I
stop right there, pick it up, walk to the checkout counter, pay for it, leave,
take it to the car and then... return and continue shopping. HOW did that happen. Well... at the fifth flaming hoop one
of the volunteers (note that word) doing the pricing DID feel it was antique
and did decide to ‘research it’ and did ‘go around’ to ‘antiques shops’ and DID
price candle stands and DID find out that most of them are priced about $250.00
and DID decide that being so to ‘so there’ put the $125.00 on the ‘old table’
because ‘that seems fair’ and never once realized that the candle stands they
priced were not even vaguely the same ‘antique quality’ as the ‘antique’ one
they were researching. That
is: They ‘didn’t know’ (think
there could be) a ‘difference’.
The sixteen hundred dollar classic New England Chippendale candle stand
made it through ALL FIVE flaming hoops to be ‘just sitting there waiting’ to
‘let it come to me’.”
“Ok...
so: The OPPOSITE of that is that
there is nothing there; no candle stand.
No nothing. There. Zero. No antique.
That happens most of the time.
It is NOT ‘bad’. It is the
way it is. We have just listed the
five flaming hoops that MUST transpire for a rare antique to be sold absurdly
cheap at a thrift store. Those
(flaming hoops) MUST happen.
Otherwise... there is nothing there to ‘come to me’. So what: Go look around.
Maybe next time. Ans...
what could be worse? It is
worse... when one goes to a thrift store and the candle stand is there and one
does look at it and prices it and does not buy it because ‘I don’t like it’
because one DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS.
If one does not know what something is one is not going to find much at
thrift stores especially if one is only looking for what ‘THEY’ ‘LIKE’. We look for what museums like.
“HEY,
hey; don’t sass the readers.”
“But
it’s true: It’s a flaming hoop
too, flaming hoop number six; what YOU ‘LIKE’. No one cares what YOU LIKE. Actually I DO care because that can totally get rid of you
in a thrift store. YOU LIKE
THAT? GOOD BYE (BUY). Get it?”
“Ok...
so... we just piled on a lot here.
And there are small points in there and those, too, are our
tactics. For example. When you... THIS is a tactic too...
‘get it out of there’ (the actual tactic) right away... instantly... with no
hesitation... you paid exactly the charged amount in cash. EXACTLY to the PENNY
in cash. Right?
“Right.”
“That’s
what we always do. Right?”
“Right;
exact change always. It moves
things along smoothly. Even if it
is six hundred, eighty-three dollars and sixty-seven cents we pay CASH TO THE
PENNY. And are gone. The thrift store volunteers LOVE exact
change. They HATE making change. They hate credit (debit) cards too and
using ‘the (swipe) machine’. We
pay exact cash. GOT IT?”
“This
prompt acquisition and correct change payment is done with a very, very, very
pleasant, patient, calm, reserved, polite, friendly and subdued, quiet, no
commentary and no physical posturing attitude that never, never, never ever
changes no matter what happens including someone from the world’s largest
museum coming through the door and instantly talking to you about how you are
‘buying’ ‘a’ ‘very rare’ what ever.
That does happen... usually in the form of a busybody blow heart
yabbering at you ALL THE WAY TO YOUR CAR OUTSIDE THE BUILDING. Practice saying ‘isn’t that nice thank
you’ as the only mantra you say besides ‘no’ to ‘do you want to sell it’. If you are asked if you are a dealer
you say NO.”
“Right: You are not a dealer. You pay the sales tax. Shut-up about YOU being a DEALER. I am not a dealer. I have ‘giving it to my daughter for
her apartment’ soooo much stuff that a whole block of Back Bay Boston has been
furnished by that utterance’.
“Are
we getting these all jumbled up?
Who cares. It (buying in
thrift stores) IS all jumbled up anyway meaning it’s US that makes sense of the
chaos. What is sense of the
chaos? It is us buying fine
quality antiques from thrift stores very inexpensively.”
“I
am cowboy down. That’s where that
expression comes from; I’m driving the taxi. I know I am doing this.”
“So...
ON THAT... let us touch on wardrobe; costuming I call it. You’re a real stickler on this so let’s
do ‘WHY’ a stickler.”
“Well
it’s not just me; how I dress but, better up, how THEY (the rest of the people
and, often, their pets) dress.
It’s ‘orange cones’ all over the place for that (the other people).”
“Ok
so YOU dress what I’d call ‘middle perfect’ meaning crisp, clean, new, better
label, natural fibers quality in earth tones with ‘no clink’.”
“No
bangle ear bobs. Ha, ha.”
“Right;
no dit-ball from you ever.”
“No
big purse. Only sensible
shoes. No makeup. No fashion forward.”
“Preppy?”
“I
avoid preppy. Especially ‘too
young’ clothes and L.L. Bean. No
Bean, Eddie and n-face stuff. I’m
wool, cotton, leather, brass. No
sandals with chipped toe paint. No
wrist bangles. No pushy
stuff. Pushy colors. I want ‘I’m not there’ clean quality.
“So
reverse that. Your just nuts about
that.”
“Well
they give themselves away. I
mean... what’s more NUTS then Ms. Super Preppy looking at a tea service she
thinks is ‘good’ when it isn’t even English, has a barcode on its bottom for
age and is made in China FOR a company in someplace like West Virginia. Ms. Pee likes the decoration because it
matches her toenail polish? She’s
holding a pair of sneakers in her other hand? LIKE: PANIC
ATTACK. Actually... I don’t care. They’re idiots. And I can tell that by how they’re
dressed. They know nothing about
art or decorative arts. Except, of
course, what THEY LIKE. Don’t we
LOVE going to homes filled with art that is what THEY LIKE.”
“It
matches the shoes.”
“YES!”
“You
always say that. Now fair; the men
are your special target?”
“Well
the women are fun to watch but the men are over the top for me. I just... It’s just too much.”
“Meaning?”
“Well,
now... you know... more and more MEN are in there (the thrift stores) looking
to ‘buy art’ to ‘SELL’ (on the internets). I mean... there’s some tattooed PANT LOAD butt-blocking the
bric-brac shelf wearing camo cargo shorts, a worn out ball cap, sneakers and an
“I’M STUPID” BLACK tee shirt and, I mean... he’s.... ‘BUYING ART’. I mean... I gotta watch this. It’s, like, CLASSIC STUPID buys art.”
“So
you, like, PROFILE them based on what they’re wearing?”
“OF
COURSE. Why not? THEY dressed themselves. NOT ME. SO... they’re buying ART TOO. It’s like... too much.”
“What’s
too much?”
“Well
they stand there looking at, like, a vase. That sucks.
And... I can see that they are looking at it to see if it’s ART and if
they can SELL it. I mean... they
are throwing every brain cell they have at the piece of crap vase trying to
make what for them is a major cash and go ART decision. I mean for real. THEY REALLY are TRYING to buy art. It’s a HOOT. The women are good too but men are totally ‘watch this
guy’.”
“And
how they’re dress is, to you, part of it.”
“Sometimes
it IS it. Again: THEY dressed themselves. EVEN THE UNDERWEAR. Like; God forbid.”
“And: They come to you (speak to you) too.”
“Yes. I admit it. They come to me. I let ‘em.”
“And
your pretty nice to ‘em. Sort
of. I mean, in context.”
“Yeah. The stuff they want to know about is
always crap.”
“And
you tell ‘em that?”
“No. I just SUGGEST that.”
“Well
some of them you tell ‘em it’s crap.
Like SF.
“He’s
special.”
“Tell
us about SF.”
[1] : Oddly, giving an antique to a
grandchild is often the quickest and most direct route for that antique to be
‘donated’ to a ‘thrift store’ for it is a convenient and low profile way for
the grandchild to ‘get rid of that’.
Extending this antiquarian ratio of grand P to grand C, there is no
larger body of antiquarian negligence in play than the ‘giving’ of antiques
across this three generational gap.
The grand C does not know... or care to know... “WHAT” a “THAT”...
is. They will eventually ‘care’
(become interested by themselves)... beginning of... late thirties with good
fortune but more probably mid forties to mid fifties. I have often had to remind a cynical grand P as to “WHEN”
“DID YOU” “SPEND” your first ‘real money’ on an antique? No, darling, it was not in your
twenties.
No comments:
Post a Comment