"It's Been Two Years" - Part Five - "Antiques Store" - (A)

"It's Been Two Years"

Part Five

"Antiques Store"

(A)

            I do not have an ‘antiques store’.

            I have never had an ‘antiques store’.

            I have been... involved... with many, many... many

            ‘Antiques stores’.

            I am still... occasionally... with diminishing ‘anything’... ‘involved’

            With an ‘antiques store’.

            My current action... and this action is with the... complicit... and dynamic participation of my fellow local antiques ‘pickers’; the pure strain of antiques dealer who hunts for antiques... is to “go the other way” when “I see” a sign reading “ANTIQUES”.

            Why?  Because that is ...already ‘found’ ‘antiques’.  I FIND antiques.  I do not find already found antiques.

            The next current ‘antiques shop’ action I ‘take’ is to absolutely stop and shop (go in the ‘open’ signed front door and look at EVERY antique ‘for sale’ in a ...newly opened... ‘antiques shop’ I ...chance on).  (Ha, ha, to ‘chance on’; I AM LOOKING OUT FOR THEM; new ‘antiques shops’).  The key words are LOOK... AT... EVERY... antique.  IF... there is a commercial error in the store; an iota priced ‘too low’... I BUY IT... and SELL IT (for an unfair profit) without fanfare or announcing “I AM A DEALER”.  Hopefully the ‘owners’ of the store (and ‘the stuff’ in that store) are there (to make commercial decisions) and... have no idea who I am and – or  my ‘with my wife’ TOO so we... come and go... unnoticed... either ‘buying’ or, in most cases... NOT buying... ‘anything’. 

            THAT is my current END of ALL of my ‘antiques shop’ relations unless, for example, YOU... have some sort of magical, half-witted, on your bank roll, to MY advantage... something-or-rather ‘hair brained’ ‘antiques shop’ ...dumb idea that is all, all, all ‘a go’ for a ME.  This doesn’t happen.

            Much.

            Most ‘antiques shops’ are... well intentioned business endeavors by well intentioned antiques... lovers... who... through a this-that-or another thing... WANDER into the ‘antiques trade’ (‘antiques business’) with... the “WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AN ANTIQUES STORE”... notion.  Natural forces... ‘take it from there’.

            Rule one... overlooked and skipped by new ‘antiques store’ openers:  “IT’S ABOUT THE STUFF” (antiques).

Then there is a gap (of nothingness).  Then there is SOME money (dollar values).  Then there is another gap (of nothingness).  Then there is “THE REST OF IT” (the whole antiques everything... including television shows, cell phone peek-ah-boo and ...Cadence sitting with her cats in the old sea captain mansion “FULL OF ANTIQUES”. 

This ‘the rest of it’ is ALL

VANITY.

Pretty colored bags with a store’s name on it.  Advertising budgets.  Store sitting sales girls.  Open signs.  Parking.  “Shows”.  “SALES”.  ‘Customers’.  ‘House calls’ and... pickers... peddlers... dealers... ‘good’ dealers... collectors... on back to ‘holiday’ ‘weekend’ ‘open house’ to... ‘seasonal... CLOSING’ (“COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND”). 

            To run an ‘antiques shop’ on the ‘Coast’ of “MAINE”... and interior “MAINE”... the first thing to do is to... IGNORE rule number one.  That is easy because most have ‘never heard of’ or even ‘know about’ the IT’S ABOUT THE STUFF... rule... number one.

            Rule number two is... ‘Bank Roll’.

            JUST sit at the kitchen table and... ‘over coffee’... announce... one’s NOTICE that ‘that space’ in the local edge of town strip mall OR PRIME DOWNTOWN LOCATION... ‘is empty and’ “JUST THINKING” (as opposed to MY preferred messaging system of FEEL (just FEELING) of... opening... an... ‘antiques store’... “THERE”.

            “WE... can BUY the ANTIQUES to FILL the store with ...antiques... FOR SALE because ...well...:

            “WE HAVE THE MONEY TO DO THAT.”

            And:

            “WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING.”

            (When ‘it’ ‘comes to’... ‘antiques’...?)

            (They found a rusted-in-half 18^th century pierced tin barn lantern while crawling under an old porch?).

            Rule number three?

            “YOU... do not know what you are doing.”

            Rule number four?

            “YES WE DO (and not only do we NOT crawl under porches looking of antiques BUT)...:  WE

            HAVE

            A

            VERY GOOD

            COLLECTION
            of

            ANTIQUES...

            “That are not for sale?” because... YOU... as antiques dealers running an ‘antiques shop’ are...

            KEEPING THEM...

            Because they are, to you...

            THE Good STUFF?

            (That’s why you are keeping this ‘it’?  Because it is BETTER than

            THE STUFF

            IN YOUR ‘antiques store’?

            Rule number five:

            “YOU” are NOT an antiques dealer if “YOU” “KEEP” “THE GOOD STUFF”.  I explain... this... simply.  IF... I have a very good antique and “YOU” are a collector of that very good antique and you come around and say “THAT THERE very good antique of YOURS; how much?” and I say....:

            “It’s not for sale I’m keeping it”... “YOU” are correct in telling me to ...go to Hell and... never doing business with me again.... because I... as a antiques DEALER am NOT an antiques COLLECTOR who keeps the ‘best stuff I’... FIND.  I SELL THE best stuff I find to antiques COLLECTORS... who are, actually, very grateful about I doing that.

            I DO NOT have an ‘antiques store’ that I filled with... ‘antiques’ ‘I bought’ that ...really are not very good and are priced very high even though they are not very good.  NO:  I do not do that; ‘have’ an ‘antiques store’.

            Rule number six:  Ignore rule number five.

            Now we all understand how The Gallery came to be.

            And there was ‘year’ (summer season) ‘one’.

            Then ‘year’ (summer season) ‘two’

            And.. we are about to start ‘year’ (summer season) ‘three’:

            “It’s been two years”...

            “Dear.

            Are you listening?

            Dear?

            WE really NEED to talk about this; how we’re going to DO IT

            This year.

            “Last year (summer season)

            WE really didn’t SELL what we needed to

            Even though we were open

            ALL THE TIME but...

            Dear?

            Are you listening?”

            “YES I DO think you have a GOOD idea of having MORE local CRAFTS for sale.  Those did very WELL last year (summer season).  AND we haven’t filled that SPACE so I could actually get MORE crafts people who would want us to SHOW their WORK.  Didn’t that seem to GO WELL last year (summer season)?  I think I can just put the word out to Melinda.  SHE knows all the VENDORS from her (Maine craft) FAIRS.  Some of them are local but

            I was thinking that even some of them from up near MOOSEHEAD (Lake, Maine)... that...

            EVEN THEIR crafts would DO WELL right here (sell in a coastal Maine tourist village)...

            TOO.”

            “It doesn’t COST us anything either.  We don’t have to BUY their crafts.”

            “What do YOU THINK OF THAT

            Dear?”

            (Note ‘think’ as opposed to ‘feel’)

            (Is the tide going out at The Gallery?

            Or is it ‘coming in’... right on schedule?)

            And what about James Hutton’s old broken bowl.

            And what about James Hutton’s... summer perch?

            And what about James Hutton?

            And what about the

            Money to run the store; pay the rent, the advertising, the driving there

            And... the driving back

            And forth?

            “I JUST SPEND SO MUCH TIME DOING THIS.”

            “AND WE’RE NOT SELLING

            DEAR.”

            When I was under the porch finding the rusted-all-to-Hell pierced tin barn lantern I described it as “I was... lying there wistfully lost in wonder of this ‘this is WONDERFUL’ under that porch”.  That kind of wistful wondering has nothing to do with this ‘antiques store’ ...crap

            At all.