Monday, March 2, 2015

Old New England Glassware in the Home - Part Thirteen - "Ok... Fine"

Old New England Glassware in the Home

Part Thirteen

"Ok... Fine."

            So I just don’t stand there with ‘oh shit’ in my pants (Part Thirteen).  I mean:  “Code Red.  Scramble”.  AND... dive to the bottom and bury myself in the mud.  And...  “GAME PLAN NOW”.  And... “Pretend like nothing is happening.”  And (Hey; never know when you need it) “Idiots” (be one).
            Ok so the salt is in the cupboard... bottom.  I’m in the (dining) room.  So is the Texas girl.  I am... ‘don’t mess with me on this’.  The war of THIS universe begins.
            “Ring toss”:  I must find out ‘if’ “DOES” ‘she’... KNOW ANYTHING.  Ring toss?  Bet on “NO”.  I... ring toss... myself... TOO...; know nothing (“I [me] am pathetically stupid”) SHE DECIDES.  I see that island and TOSS MY RING THERE.
            Girls:  Ring toss is a dirty game.
            Boys:  Better go down in the basement and watch the game.
            “WHAT GAME?”
            This game:  Ring toss.

            So Ms. Texas gets nudged ...some how... toward... mentioning ‘the stuff’; HER interest ‘in the stuff’ WHO SO (she)... turns to me... (pivot) and with her crisp collared eyes and black on black on black (including the shoes [“HEALS”] says:
            “Do you have a list?”
            (of the estate contents).
            “Ahhhh... THEY DO.” I say deflecting to the ‘Eve and Bing’.
            They nod and say “the whole estate is”
            (My capital letters added)
            A Texas pause then to me ..eye to eye:
            “AHHHH....No, not me; the ESTATE had the contents APPRAISED”.
            “You didn’t do it?”
            “No.  I don’t do appraisals.”
            “OH.  So why are you here?”
            “HE HELPS US.  Mr. **** (the actual appraiser) couldn’t come today.  WE HAVE HIS LIST.  We just thought Mr. **** should be here to help.  He knows what things are.”
            “Oh.  Ok”.... Do WE have a copy of the LIST?”
            “Appraisal?” ... I say (RING TOSS).
            “Yes... do we?”
            “I guess.” says Bing.

            Ok; I explain this duck, duck, goose.  I did not do... nor do... appraisals.  I was sent by the executor of the estate (attorney) to “LOOK AT” the estate contents to tell HIM if and does he “HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS” meaning is the contents of the estate full of ‘antiques’ that require attention and ...appraising... or is it ‘a zero’ (household crud).  I, on that hired tab... tell him... HIM... verbally... ‘what I see’.  And I am done.
HE.... hires an appraiser who ‘does an appraisal’ of the ‘estate contents’ for the estate settlement and... that party makes the list (correctly; “hand list”)... and the ‘those people’ make copies... now being ‘passed around’.  For myself... I do know the appraiser and more (the in-trade melodramas – plural intended - of ‘all that-and-him’) and how that effects ‘everything’.  Also... I wish to add:  I’m around ‘lists’ (hand lists) and ‘appraisals’ all the time and, like... they mean nothing to me, mean mostly nothing in general, are, to my eye, mostly ‘stupid’ and ‘funny’ and... and... and... are treated by my surround; the hand list waving others, as... a.... hand... of... GOD.

            What does ‘actually’; the “I know the appraiser” mean?
            Ok... like... that this appraiser is... so fat... he can’t bend over to LOOK in the BOTTOM of the cupboard with the salt in it.  NOT THAT ...that would MATTER for... the ‘is so fat’ is just the iceberg tip of this ‘appraiser’s’ “limitations”.
            In my opinion.
            Of course.
            I said this was ‘is a dirty game’.
            And I don’t have anything to do with ‘that’ (appraising, appraisal, appraiser, et al) ... ‘anyway’.
            So the ‘list’ changes hands and I am like... standing there WATCHING VERY
            Carefully how the Ms. Texas ‘treats’ the ‘hand list’ and she fulfills my fondest dreams by ...turning to the page titled “Dining Room” and saying, including arm gesture with hand holding the list... “IS THAT THIS TABLE OVER THERE (read-on-list “Nineteenth century Mahogany rope leg drop leaf table”).
            “I guess so” says Eve... looking at me.
            I, ring toss, step toward the state of Texas and, well, she... ‘protects’ the list (never give up the Alamo) so, like, I, ahhhh... ‘retreat’  (“COOL!”).  And it goes from there.
            “Go from there WHERE?”
            “From bad to worse” meaning from bad to good... to GREAT for... me.
            I am, I discern promptly, “ALONE” in this estate with the ‘they know nothing’
            “AT ALL” of... the Texan, the Eve and Bing... AND... the photocopy appraisal hand list TOO.  YEAH THAT COUNTS AS A PERSON (‘known hand of God’).  “Bandied about”.
            All of them
            And ‘the list’.
            NO BODY KNOWS “DID... SQUAT” AND
            If it is not on the hand list (person four)
            “IS NOT”.

            I am down at the bottom buried in the mud saying nothing WITH the Texas girl
            I  am “AN IDIOT”.
            So that’s that and she, with her hand list, with it’s “TOTAL VALUE” at the end
            Goes back to TEXAS
            To dutifully report
            OH WHO CARES WHAT SHE ‘reports’.
            Want a ‘good one’?
            She says... “MY FATHER, before I CAME UP HERE, asked me to ASK YOU if you have any OLD GUNS”.  He LOVES OLD GUNS.  Do you have any?  He might want them?”
            Eve and Bing say they “don’t have any... guns. ... I (we) think.”
            Like... what she gonna do?  Buy an old gun and... take it on the PLANE?
            Back to Texas?
            So... I’M LIKE... “oh I wish I HAD an ‘old gun’ in the truck RIGHT NOW... not that Ms. State of Texas would actually BUY IT but
            She could take a picture of it with her smart phone

            Are we far enough away from the lacy salt dish?
            IT IS safe and sound in the cupboard bottom:
            “THEY” know nothing.
            “It” (the salt) is NOT on “THE LIST”.
            “The List” is the defining hand of GOD determining the estate contents to
            EVERYONE’S satisfaction
            Including mine
            There is ‘tons more’
            NOT ON THAT LIST
            AND I am ‘who is that idiot?’.  I have ‘signed nothing’. I am ‘where did he go?’.
            I am
            Totally not charted in there AND still
            ‘Ahhhh... two bucks for that’
            YEAH I CAN DO THAT.  What are you gonna do?  Show up and stop me?
            I mean; go back to finding a good parking space at the Mall and
            Other ‘things of value’.
            That Texas girl can find ‘good parking’ at a mall:  SHE... CAN... DO... THAT. And I don’t mean just any mall.  I mean Texas Girl Mall.  Going up the escalator in the heals?
            Lacy salt dish?
            “Forget it”

            What’s gonna happen?  It will take a while but... these idiots (includes ‘the list’) will succeed in destroying an old New England... property, house, home, home contents, estate heritage and... ahhhh... they won’t miss the good stuff (old New England decorative arts; the ‘antiques’).  This last includes the ‘glassware’; the ‘juice glasses’ AND the ‘old New England glassware’
            Like the lacy salt... dish... in the (I never saw anything that... in there did you?).  Ok so I switch from ring toss to setting up little tables with a peanut under walnut shells:  I KNOW which shell the PEANUT is under.  I KNOW what the PEANUT IS that is under each shell.  I KNOW WHERE the peanuts are.  Where the shells are.  Where the little tables are.  AND:  Where what why when is how... ‘why me?’.
            LOOK:  They all know what they are doing and tell me so.
            “How about two bucks for that?”
            “Are any of those on the list?”
            “Ok... Fine.”


  1. I think that I get it. They can't win the shell game because there is no peanut on "the list". The intricacies of this "glassware" series are NOT the type of things discussed at the Harvard Business School (aka HBS).

  2. Ms. Texas and her like seem to be buying "estate heritage" in order to profess themselves as having cultural heritage.